


You Were Beautiful

by jvnmyeon



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Best Friends, Confession, F/M, First Love, Junmyeon is an art history major, unexpected ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:47:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25494106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jvnmyeon/pseuds/jvnmyeon
Summary: You had been in love with your classmate Kim Junmyeon for the last year and a half. You finally find the guts to tell him the truth about how you feel, but at the wrong time.
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho & Reader, Park Chanyeol/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 7





	1. Me Gustas Tu

**Author's Note:**

> Okay guys! This is the first work I ever published on here so feel free to add any questions in the comments. This is based on a combination of dreams I had during quarantine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A really bad story I wrote based on a dream that I had, that actually included Junmyeon in it. Because this was based off a dream, there weren’t any filler events I could remember from it so I’m sorry if there’s not a lot of dialogue in the beginning.

You had finally finished college. Four years of stressing, long study sessions, cups of coffee, exams, and assistant teaching all came to an end. You would miss your daily routine of taking the train to your college and getting your daily iced coffee, the rush of the campus halls and crowded libraries, the random classes you took outside of your major but most of all you would miss your friends and the memories you formed with them. Each of your friends were special and made an impact in your life, but only one of your friends left a significant impact in your life in a way you had not felt since the seventh grade: Kim Junmyeon. 

Kim Junmyeon was one of your closest friends in college. You had met him during your sophomore year art history class that you had taken for your art requirement with your friend Angela, while at a required discussion session regarding Ancient Greek sculptures. He was so knowledgeable on the subject that you felt like he didn’t even need to be in the class. He had initially come to New York from South Korea to study abroad for one semester; however he decided to stay in New York because he loved the essence of the city so much.

He planned on becoming a curator specializing in European art, while you just minored in art history for the fun of it. You both bonded over Rembrandt, Van Gogh, and Monet, while having countless arguments on whether Byzantine art was better than Roman art and Picasso’s works. Junmyeon had been living with his aunt and uncle at their house, which happened to be across from yours. He would come and visit whenever he didn’t have any volunteer hours at the museums he worked at or whenever he wasn’t invited to a work party. He had gotten close with your younger sisters and parents, but he was especially close with you. 

He was the guy who held the door for old ladies at the mall, gave homeless people his leftover food whenever he went out to eat and there was a doggy bag, and sang at a small bar on Saturdays with the music student Chanyeol who you all later became friends with; he was compassionate, honest, talented, humble, and handsome. What flaw did this man have? you thought. His parents visited whenever they could and he did them. He dressed like an old man, but with a modern twist. He was shorter than most of your male friends, but he always had the biggest spirit out of all of them.

He never failed to make your friend group laugh, even when the joke was bad. Whenever something had stressed you out or you just needed someone to talk to about the life you were living at that moment, he was a good listener and always gave great advice on seizing the day. He helped you break out of your shell, often engaging you to participate whenever he was a discussion leader in your subsequent art history classes, while you helped him with editing and finding the best places in the city to do everything from eat to even use the toilet and introduced him to the subway system. His good looks and equally good personality won the hearts of many, including yourself. 

As time progressed, the mere thought of him brought butterflies to your stomach, a feeling you had not felt for a long time. You don’t know when you realized that you were in love with him, but you definitely knew by the beginning of your senior year. The only hard part was telling him.


	2. Duty Calls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, feel free to add any questions in the comments. This is based on a combination of dreams I had during quarantine.

You realized that these days of happiness and fun wouldn’t last forever, but you wished they did. Senior year was a hectic one for the two of you; you were busy preparing for the initial teaching certification test you planned to obtain in adolescent English, while Junmyeon was finalizing his undergrad thesis on nature and stability in some Impressionist paintings. 

One spring Saturday afternoon during the final semester, he had come over to your house for your help in editing his paper. You two began to discuss the paper and the discussion of future plans after graduation were brought up; in the past he had applied for fellowships and internships, which he excitedly told you and your friends. However, for the first time since you had met him, his usually joyful face turned into a somber one, as if someone had died. 

“What happened? You’ve been down for a while,” You asked with concern. Junmyeon was trying not to look up from his paper, fiddling with his fingers. There was a brief silence; you took a sip of the glass of water on the table. 

Junmyeon looked up from his paper and cleared his throat. “I have something to tell you, Y/N.” He sounded nervous for the first time since you had met him. 

You thought about how you wanted to confess to him that you had fallen in love with him, but by the looks of his face, what he had to say was more serious than something as trivial as confessing a crush. 

“Go ahead,” you suggested, looking away from your computer. “I’m listening.” 

“My father called me a few days ago saying I was selected to enlist early in the military in Korea,” he began. 

“I remember you talking about it a while ago. You told me most people were in their mid 20s when they enlisted,” you replied. Junmyeon was only 22, that was so young, you thought. 

“He told me a lottery had been done and my name was selected. Even he had protested, stating that I was too young but there was nothing neither he nor the base could do,” he explained. “I was upset at first, but I realized that I needed to serve my country first before I can focus on my future. I know it’s two years, but that’s not much compared to the four years that we are doing for a piece of paper. My enlistment date is June 3rd, so I have to be-”

“Back in Korea before then.” you interrupted. He gave you a look of bittersweet sincerity. You looked back at him and a silence built between the two of you. You were surprised; he had been applying for fellowships and curator assistant positions, as well as graduate school since he had initially planned to stay with his aunt for the next few years.

You didn’t know how to handle the news; June 3rd was two weeks after graduation. You began to remember Mr and Mrs Kim crying a few weeks back while Junmyeon was out; now you knew why they were crying that night when you and your parents went to visit them. You were both silent for the first time.

“Exactly. Unfortunately, I don’t know if I’ll ever come back to New York after my service because I want to work for my dad before I get the money to continue my art degree in France,” he added. 

“What about all the positions and graduate schools that you applied for?” you asked. 

“I forfeited my applications,” he replied sadly. He looked like he was going to cry when you went to console him. You gave him a hug and let go of that embrace. 

“I’m so sorry, I wish I could help. Have you told anyone else besides me?”

“Yes, even Angela knew. Now you won’t have a museum buddy anymore,” he stated somberly. 

“That’s okay. Duty calls and besides I have Angela. She likes anything,” you continued. You both began to laugh. 

“True. She’s really something else. I always liked her. She was so weird, but a good weird,” he professed. “Anyways, are you excited for graduation?” he asked, changing the topic and overall mood of the situation. 

“Hell yeah!” You exclaimed. “No more rats in the library, and no more crazy crowds. By rats I mean both the animal and the pretentious pre med students.” 

Junmyeon gave a heavy chuckle. “I’ll miss you and your unintentional humor.”

“I’m not funny,” you snapped back. 

“I beg to differ.” he responded. 

You scoffed and rolled your eyes. He then began to look at you deeply with a smile while he pushed a strand of your hair behind your ear. What the hell? You thought. You wanted to push him away, but you couldn’t. “It was bothering me,” he confessed. “I hope you weren’t bothered by me doing that.” 

You weren’t at all; you turned slightly red, which he didn’t notice. You went back to your work area initially planning on finishing the English essay you had to write, but the two of you began to talk about the new Yoko Ono exhibition at the MoMa that you wanted to see the following weekend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY SOME DIALOGUE!!! How do you like it so far?


	3. Starry Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is gushy and a sigh of relief in comparisons to the other ones. I hope you will enjoy it! This is based on a combination of dreams I had during quarantine. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: MENTION OF TR*MP and WAR.

The rest of the semester and graduation week came and went like a breeze. While you and your friends went crazy on your graduation caps and dresses, Junmyeon went shopping to buy stuff for his family and friends in South Korea. Despite his time being spent more on shopping, his cap came out the best and won 1st place in the cap decorating contest at graduation. 

You and Angela decided to throw him a surprise goodbye party on his last day, which was the day after graduation, at your place. There was predominately Korean music playing and people were happily dancing along to it despite not understanding what was being sung. Junmyeon, despite wearing a sweater vest on a warm May evening, danced like a pro to literally every song that played. You had no idea he could dance so well. There was also food that would have lasted your family a week and a half that was finished in less than three hours, mostly by Chanyeol and Angela. 

The party went successfully and those who were not able to see him off the next day gave their little goodbye gifts. Chanyeol was eating the remaining chips and looked at the clock; it was 9:30pm. “Shit! I have a date. Thanks for the party, Y/N.” He gave you and Angela quick hugs and walked to Junmyeon, who was packing his stuff in his bags. 

“I’m gonna head out. I’ll see you in the future, man,” Chanyeol said as he gave Junmyeon one last bro hug and handed him his gift, then left the house and into the night.

Once Chanyeol left, it was only the three of you. “That was fun,” Junmyeon said. “Thank you, Y/N. Thank you, Angela. I’m really gonna miss all those people, even Chanyeol.” 

“Anything for you, Junmyeon.” you and Angela replied back in unison while you and Angela had cleaned up the cups and plates left on the table. Junmyeon helped tidy up the sofa and swept the dining table floor. 

Music played in the background loud enough for you all to not realize that your parents and sisters had come back. Junmyeon went to lower the music as he greeted your parents in the process. 

While you went to throw out the last of the plates, Angela began to follow you into the kitchen. 

“When are you gonna tell him?” she hissed softly. Junmyeon was happily looking at the gifts he got in the living room, silently observing them. 

“Never at this point,” you replied a little too loudly. Luckily he was in the middle of a conversation with your parents and younger sisters, so he didn’t hear you. “Maybe later,” you softly replied. 

“You’ve been saying that for two years, Y/N. The man is leaving TOMORROW,” she clapped back. “It’s now or never.” 

“I thought he was gonna stay in New York like he had planned. I was gonna tell him sometime after college, but I didn’t think he was gonna leave tomorrow,” you snapped. 

“Come on, Y/N, go tell him after he’s done with your family,” she suggested while watching your 12 and 18 year old sisters talk to him endlessly about some random stuff. After inserting the final dishes into the washer and wiping the counter, you guys danced and sang along to “Rough” by GFriend as it played from a faint distance at your speakers and laughed when you both messed up on a few steps. 

“Junmyeon, don’t leave yet. We have a gift for you,” your mother could be heard saying to your friend who was about to leave. You and Angela had walked out of the kitchen and into the living room by the time your mother walked out with a red box. 

“It’s a deity for good luck while you are in the military and for your wonderful future ahead as a future curator,” she explained. Your father handed him an envelope. “Here’s $200 that you can use for your future education after the military,” he added. Junmyeon added the gifts into the bag. 

“Thank you all for the gifts,” Junmyeon said humbly. “I have so many I don’t know how they will all fit in my luggages!” he exclaimed, showing off the bags of gifts he got. Everyone began to laugh. 

After a few minutes of small talk, Junmyeon and Angela wished everyone a good night. Your parents wished them a good night in return, while your sisters went to get ready for bed. 

“Y/N, go walk Junmyeon home,” your mother suggested with a smile. “It’s so late at night, I don’t want him to get into any issues right before he leaves.” You immediately agreed. Your sisters made kissy noises; “Shut up!” you snapped at them. They laughed when you realized you had turned red. You then left the house with Angela and Junmyeon, who were waiting at the front door. 

Right when you three reached the crosswalk, Angela gave Junmyeon one last hug; she let go of the embrace as she started to silently cry. You felt tears form in your eyes. “I’ll miss you, Jun,” she tearfully stated.

“Thank you for everything and making college the best three years of my life. I joked around with you a lot, but I really liked you. You made both my best friend and myself really happy. Let me give you my gift,” Angela ruffled through her bag and took out a purple box. She handed the box to Junmyeon; he thanked her. She began to cry even more. 

“Angela, I will miss you too and thank you for the gift,” Junmyeon replied to the heavily upset Angela, holding her hand for a brief second. “We have each other’s contact information. I’ll try to text and email all of you when I can. The military is strict and oftentimes we’re not going to be allowed to go on our phones, so I’ll try my best. Don’t worry, Angela, we’ll see each other in the future. Once I’m done with my military service, I’ll come and visit New York before I go on and do my masters.” he explained while wiping her tears. They hugged one last time while you watched in silence. 

“What if you die?” she joked after letting go of the embrace. You all laughed.

“I really wanted to send you off tomorrow, but I have work. Serve well, okay?” Angela declared

“Angela, he’s going for training, not fighting in a war. Although with Trump as president I won’t be surprised if there was a Third World War,” you sarcastically remarked. 

“I know, but-,” a car honk interrupted her sentence. Her hipster vegan boyfriend, Nicholas, had come to pick her up in his car. 

“Goodbye, Junmyeon,” Angela said. 

“Goodbye, Angela.” he said back. 

She gave him one last hug and waved at the both of you before crossing the street. You both observed the couple drive off into the night, living a life of their own. 

“I’ll really miss that girl,” he sighed, while you two walked. “She reminds me of my friend’s sister in Korea. Funny and naive.” 

You were silent the whole walk. Now was your chance to tell him, you didn’t know the next time you would see him again to tell him. Junmyeon began to notice you were unusually silent. 

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” he asked as you both finally reached the front porch of his house. You both sat on the bench and looked at one another. Now is the time to do it, you thought to yourself. You felt your heart beat out of your chest, but it was now or never. 

“Junmyeon, I-I’ve been wanting to tell you something for a while. It’s something you probably wouldn’t expect from me, but if I don’t say it, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. I don’t know when I’ll ever see you again, so… ah, fuck it!” you nervously began.

“What do you want to say?” He curiously asked. You must have looked like a fool because he then began to say: “Why are you so nervous? Let me get a bucket-,”

“There’s no need. I’m not going to throw up; I wanted to tell you that…” you continued, trying to avoid his gaze. 

“That what, Y/N?” he proceeded to ask. You then made eye contact with him. God he has pretty eyes, you thought a little too loudly. He began to giggle. 

“Are you okay? What’s up? We’re friends, you can tell me anything.” 

You took a breath. “Junmyeon, I realized as time passed that I really started to like you. Not in the friendly way, but in-,”

“I actually wanted to tell you the same thing,” he confessed with a chuckle. “I was going to tell you tonight, but you beat me to it. That’s very brave of you.” 

You had a surprised look on your face; he began to laugh. 

“Really?”

“I’m serious,” he began. 

“Y/N, in the years that I got to know you,” he continued, holding your right hand. “You’ve grown to be a beautiful person inside and out and I want you to know that. I know self deprecation is your signature suit, but hear me out. You are kinder, more loving, sweeter and funnier than you think you are. I have always loved you because of who you were and I want you to know I will never let you go, even if we will be 14 hours away from another. You will always be a huge part of my life. You were friends with me at a time when I was starting to miss home and spending time with you and Angela made me realize that New York will always be my second home. That is the best thing anyone could have ever done,” he admitted. 

The two of you smiled at one another. Immediately, you looked up at the sky, silently observing the moon and its surrounding stars. 

“Those stars are very beautiful, like you,” he gushed. You scoffed then looked back at Junmyeon, who was smiling at you; the glow of the moon went onto his face and he became even more beautiful than he was before. 

“Thank you for being a part of my life, Junmyeon. I know it was too late now for me to tell you that I loved you, but I’ve accepted that we can’t be together because duty calls. I will always love you as my best friend,” you began. “You taught me how to live life in ways I didn’t consider before. I grew to love art in a weird way and I became happier. I was at my worst when I met you. I was confused, lost and didn’t want to be on this planet at all, but the more I got to know you and be around you, I realized that you were the reason I stayed,” you revealed. 

“Hey, I’m sorry that we can’t be together because of me. I know we will both be living different lives, but I will always think of you when I think of New York. For god’s sake, you were the first girl I ever fell in love with this seriously. I know you will be a wonderful teacher and if I ever get assigned to curate a whole Picasso exhibition, I will invite you first so you can make fun of my tastes in art,” he stated, jokingly implying that you won the Picasso had shitty art debate.

“Well, I have to pack these things and some rest so I can fly safely tomorrow.” you got up to leave and so did he. You hugged him and let go of the embrace and walked away to go back home. 

“I love you,” he called out.

“I love you too, Junmyeon. I’ll see you tomorrow,” you waved.

Just as you were about to go back to your house, you heard footsteps and he grabbed your arm. You turned around and he stroked your cheek, then leaned in closer to your face until there was almost no space between the two of you to breathe; “I love you,” he whispered and then closed his eyes. You knew what was happening; what had happened to the main characters in all those rom coms you watched was happening to you at that moment.

Like the characters, you too began to lean in and close your eyes as your lips touched his. “I love you too,” you whispered between kisses. The butterflies grew in your stomach and your heart began to beat faster. It didn’t help that his Dior cologne smelled really good at the moment. The kiss was deep, but quick because you could hear the door begin to open. You opened your eyes and moved back when you saw Mrs Kim watching through the next door with a smile. Junmyeon turned around and became flustered like a child in the spotlight for the first time.

“Goodnight again.” you said. “Goodnight Mrs Kim!” you waved at the woman at the net door; she called out goodnight as well. 

“Goodnight, Y/N. You’re a good kisser for someone who claimed they’re an old lady,” he stated just before he walked into the house with his gifts. Once he entered the house, you watched him until he turned into a shadow; you then walked back to your own house in silence.

You smiled knowing you finally kissed the man of your dreams, but it felt bittersweet at the same time because he was going to leave the next day. You finally reached your own house and walked into it with a smile, your mother watching with a smile on her face as well. The TV was blasting as your father watched it like a zombie. Your father then looked up from the TV and watched the two of you in slight confusion. 

“I always knew he liked you, but I’m so sorry he had to leave you so early.” she sympathetically stated when you walked in. You smiled, then went to get ready for bed while texting Angela what had happened on the Kims’ porch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m a newbie at writing romance so I am thankful you all got this far. Thank you for reading once again. I hope you have enjoyed it up to this point


	4. Natural Delivery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The most emotionally difficult chapter I ever wrote. Saying goodbye is definitely the hardest thing for someone.

Your alarm rang; it was D-day. You couldn’t believe you kissed him, the man of your dreams. You smiled even thinking about, but then a rush of sadness hit you because he was going to leave you all from today. It was 6:30 in the morning when you woke up and you could hear Junmyeon and his family starting to pack the stuff in the car and talk to one another in Korean. You and your father rushed to get ready and left the house in fifteen minutes and walked to Mr Kim’s SUV. 

Before leaving for the airport at 7 that morning, your sisters had groggily said goodbye to Junmyeon and he had given them $40 each to spend. He thanked your mother for being so kind and helpful; you and your father were in the car watching him say goodbye. You had a letter in your hand you wrote to Junmyeon before last night, explaining everything you had felt for him and gave him some pictures you two had taken at various photo booths throughout the city. 

The ride was occasionally silent, except for when your father and the older Kim’s would engage in conversations about politics and asked Junmyeon about his flight details. Mr Kim played some music; “Me Gustas Tu” by GFriend blasted through the car speakers and you all (except your father, who didn’t know the song to begin with) began to sing along while you and Junmyeon did the chorus dance hand movements. It was ironic that on the day the person you liked was leaving, this was the song playing. 

“Did you know our nephew was an SM trainee?” Mrs Kim asked you and your father. You both shook your heads. That explained why he was so good at dancing. 

“Aunty, it was for a month,” he replied in Korean, then said: “Yeah, all I did was not get sleep and train all day for something I didn’t know if I actually wanted to do.” 

You all chuckled then went silent, while watching the traffic. You sang along to the rest of the song alone, while Junmyeon looked out the window and then looked at you while you were singing. 

“Y/N, you sing so good!” Mr Kim stated. 

“No, I just like this song a lot, Mr Kim,” you gushed. Junmyeon smiled at you; you smiled back. Junmyeon was definitely a better singer and knowing that he was an SM trainee confirmed the reason why he was so good. 

“Your pronunciation isn’t that bad, Y/N. You kinda sounded like Yuju when you sang at that moment,” Junmyeon said. You didn’t know the members' names, but you were honored. 

After a few more songs and more stories from the Kims and your father, you had finally reached JFK airport. You helped Mrs Kim and your father take out the bigger luggages onto the trolley cart; Mr Kim hugged his nephew for one last time and told him he loved him and how much he was going to miss him. You watched Mr Kim sadly walk into his car and think briefly, knowing his nephew will have to go through the difficult training he went through himself, before entering the airport. While at the airport, you all decided to grab some breakfast. 

Your father and Junmyeon fought on who would pay for breakfast; Junmyeon gave in and your father had paid for the quick breakfasts you all ate from the Dunkin stand. 

“I’ll miss Dunkin Donuts,” he admitted as you all walked to the baggage check in stand. 

“There aren’t any in Korea?” Your father asked. 

“No,” Mrs. Kim and Junmyeon replied at the same time. 

“There are Starbucks,” he disclosed. “They’re way better in Korea though.” You rolled your eyes, remembering the debate you two once had over this topic. 

Once you reached the baggage check in, you all were no longer allowed to go with him past that. Junmyeon checked in his big bags and was given his boarding pass; the flight was at 10:30 and it was 8:00. Before walking into security, Junmyeon said his goodbyes to Mrs. Kim in Korean, thanking her for all she had done these three years. Then, he went to you. 

“I will miss you a lot, probably the most out of everyone here. I said all my thank yous and I love yous last night, but I really love you and always have, I really do. Thank you for everything and I really hope to see you again. Think of me,” he said with a smile. You hugged him tightly; he was so comforting and from today, you would no longer feel that warmth. You were going to miss him deeply. Tears formed in his eyes and you all were about to cry. 

“Stay safe, serve well and don’t forget to call and text us when you get there, Junmyeon.” Mrs Kim said. He walked to your father while you sipped your iced coffee and silently cried. 

They both looked at one another in silence. You knew your father loved Junmyeon like his own son; they had an immediate bond. “Hey, buddy, I know we didn’t talk a lot, but I saw you make my daughter the happiest she had been in a long time. I haven't seen her smile and laugh with anyone for a while and I’m happy it was with you,” your father said. “Good luck with your service and if you ever need any help, you know where to call,” he addressed with a smile. He gave Junmyeon a big hug and they embraced briefly. 

“Thank you for accepting me into your home whenever I needed help. I felt protected and welcomed by you all. And I will definitely call whenever I need your help,” Junmyeon replied to your father.

“That’s what fathers do, right?” he replied with a fatherly chuckle. You all laughed. They hugged again and he walked up to you. 

“Stay safe, okay?” you said, holding his hand while thinking about last night. He assured you that he would stay safe and that he would call you as soon as he got to Korea. Both of your smiles disappeared from your faces when you let his hand go. You all looked at one another in silence. 

“Hey, let’s take a picture,” you suggested. The rest of the clan agreed; you asked a young French woman to take the pictures on your dad’s cell phone. After a few pictures, Junmyeon hugged you all for one last time and walked towards security. You put his letter in your pocket and walked out of the airport alongside your father and Mrs Kim once he turned into a tiny figure in the entrance towards security. 

The ride home was overcast with sadness and silence; you cried most of the way home. You felt like you were Elio Perlman in Call Me By Your Name after Oliver had left; your father held your hand the whole way home while he looked out the window in silence. Mrs Kim tried to console you from her passenger seat as best as she could. 

“That boy was like glue,” Mrs Kim said. “He brought two families together without realizing it. Thank you to the both of you and your other family members for making our nephew Junmyeon feel welcome, I really mean it. He talked about you all as passionately as he did about those art pieces he studied in school,” she continued. 

“He was a special kid who made my daughter the happiest-” your father admitted. You had fallen asleep by then, while the elders continued to have a conversation about Junmyeon and based on Mr. Kim’s experiences, how his life will change after the military. 

You were asleep for 30 minutes when you were awakened by a buzz coming from your pocket. It was a text message that had come from Junmyeon, but just as you were about to read it, your phone battery had run out. 

“Junmyeon said he is on the plane and that he will miss us all.” Mrs Kim said; she was talking about the text she had received. You accepted that he would be gone for a long time and that you needed to live your life the same way you would if Junmyeon were there. 

To pass time before you went home to live your life post-Junmyeon, you began to sing some songs in your head and one of the songs that popped up was “For Life” by EXO. You thought about the lines: “Never gonna let you go, giving you my heart and soul.” You initially heard the song in 2016, during a New Year’s Eve party your cousin Tiffany had invited you to and imagined some random celebrity as the love of your life you would pour your heart and soul for. Little did you think at that time you would ever find yourself giving up your heart and soul for someone in real life until you met him.

Another hour of traffic ensued and you fell asleep again, this time your father fell asleep as well. You could faintly hear Mrs Kim was talking to her sister in law (Junmyeon’s mother), wishing her a happy birthday, with Mr. Kim saying happy birthday as well before falling back asleep again. 

By the time you woke up, Mr. Kim reached the neighborhood parking lot and after scurrying around the lot to find a spot, he parked his car next to your father’s. Just as you were all about to leave, your father’s cellphone began to ring; it was Angela. She never called your father unless it was an extreme emergency. Angela worked at the airport as a cashier at a duty free perfume shop on the weekends. 

“Hello? Angela, what’s wrong?” Your father asked. 

“Mr. Y/L/N, I tried calling Y/N’s phone, but she isn’t picking up and neither is Junmyeon.” you heard Angela explain through the phone. 

Did he miss the flight? You thought. Your brain spiraled into a frenzy and thought of every possible situation. He spoke English very well, so he was able to understand the announcements and by now he should have flown out of New York; it was 11:00 AM and his flight left at 10:30, a half hour before. You all had left the airport at 8:30. You couldn’t hear the rest, but based on your father’s face, it was not good news. 

“What happened?” Mr Kim asked your father. “Is everything okay? That Angela girl is crazy, but she would never call unless something bad really happens.”

“There’s been an accident.” 

“An accident?” you asked. 

Your father took a deep breath. “Angela called me to say that a plane crashed outside of JFK fifteen minutes after it went off the runway. The flight left earlier than it should have and everything was deemed as fine, but somewhere along the way, the plane’s engine started to act up and despite doing an emergency landing, the plane crashed and caught fire.” he explained 

“It landed in some construction site and based on the severity of the damage and what she heard through word of mouth, it seems like no one survived the crash. She doesn’t know what flight it was yet, but she will call me and let me know.” 

“Oh my god! Let me call Junmyeon. Oh, I hope he is okay!” Mes Kim said. She fumbled through her bag and took out her phone; she tried calling him multiple times; it went to voicemail each time. 

There was no report of bad weather today, you thought. But it did rain last night, so it might have been partially because of the weather. You felt like you were living a fever dream; you were on cloud nine twelve hours ago and now you felt the end of the world nearby. 

“Honey, he already left. You can’t call him.” Mr Kim explained to his wife in Korean. Mrs Kim’s face turned pale in worry that her beloved nephew was dead the moment he was supposed to leave; Mr Kim was consoling her on the quick walk home. They both began to call everyone they knew, including your mother. You and your father were both too stunned to say anything. 

Your mother and sisters had reached the Kim residence after hearing the news from Mrs Kim, and your father went to go use the bathroom. Your mother, and the Kims talked to one another frantically. 

“What happened?” your youngest sister Molly had asked, sitting on the same bench where you and Junmyeon had confessed your love for one another less than 24 hours before. 

“A plane crashed and we don’t know if it might have been Junmyeon’s flight,” you explained. 

“Bro,” Natasha exclaimed. “You really believe Angela?” 

“Angela may be strange at times, but she is not a liar,” you snapped. “This is serious, Natasha!” 

They were just as stunned and by then your father had come back from the bathroom. You all prayed in silence that Junmyeon was okay and it wasn’t his flight that had gone through that tragedy. 

A few moments later, the phone rang as soon as your father reached the house and you all sat on the porch in worry. It was Angela. You picked up the phone immediately, while everyone watched you in worry. 

“Hello?” you uttered. She indicated that based on the information provided to her fellow employees and supervisors, the plane that had exploded was going to an Asian country, although which country and airline it was, she did not know yet. She also said that there were survivors, but did not know how many there were. After a minute’s silence, she got back on the phone and told you the flight number of the plane that had crashed. 

“There is good news and bad news: There are about twenty survivors out of the 178 people on the airplane. They have, unfortunately, not found any more survivors and yes they are still looking. They are being taken to nearby hospitals as we speak and for now, all other flights have been delayed.”

Angela took a deep breath before she shared the news of the flight. She was a journalism major, so it was natural for her to deliver news, good or bad; despite her natural strangeness, she was able to successfully deliver bad news without crying and good news with a panned face. However, her voice changed, which meant it was definitely serious. 

“It was Junmyeon’s flight to Seoul that crashed onto the construction site.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the support up to this point. I do not know whether I will write another chapter after this one. I hope your all enjoyed this story!


	5. Epilogue: Universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story has finally come to the end. I was deeply emotional when writing this chapter and I had a story with this ending in mind for a while, so I'm sorry in advance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: MENTION OF SUICIDE, ALTHOUGH NOT ACTED OUT.

Three days after the accident, the press had confirmed that there were more than 20 survivors; there were 40 altogether, although the names were not stated. Most of the people who had passed on the flight were older people or young children. You had no idea if Junmyeon had survived the crash after the on-site investigation was completed as rescue workers and police officers were still going around to friends and family members of those who may have been on the flight. 

That same week, your family decided to go visit the Kims on Saturday afternoon to keep them company. While you all were enjoying some of Mrs Kim’s comforting homemade food on their patio that day, the doorbell began to ring. Mr Kim immediately got up from his seat and ran to the door; you saw through the net that there were two rescue workers and a tall male police officer talking to him about something; Mrs Kim walked to the door while the rest of you followed. 

You watched a conversation unfold in the front door and the Kims were handed a letter World War 2 style; Mrs Kim opened the letter and read it out loud; her voice had begun to break.

“Good day, we regret to inform you that your family member passed away in the crash that occurred to Flight 496 last Saturday.”

Your heart dropped; the love of your life really was gone. All the memories he had of you were gone, forever. You went into your mother’s arms and began to weep. She sobbed too, as your father consoled the crying women in front of him.

Mr Kim consoled his wife, who asked in Korean, “How will I tell his mother?” Natasha and Molly, not knowing how to react because they were both watching TV, both turned pale after hearing the news and turned off the TV. After a few moments, you and your father walked to the front door. You skimmed through the letter, realizing that there was a mistake; the address and the name were wrong. 

The rescue worker, who you recognized as a guy from your history class, spoke. “Wait, I think I got the letters mixed up,” he admitted, taking the letter from you. He looked at the front and the back to check the name; “Yeah, I got it mixed up.” He went to retape the letter, while the other worker handed you a letter with the right address. 

“How the hell do you get addresses mixed up?!?!?!” Mr Kim snapped at the young man; the young man had a look of confusion. “Y/N, please read the letter.” Mr and Mrs Kim held one another’s hands; your parents held one another tightly and silently prayed as they watched you read the fate of your first love in your hands. 

Your hands shook as you tried to open the letter: “Dear Mr and Mrs Kim, your family member Kim Junmyeon, survived the crash of Flight 496 and is doing well at the hospital; he will be coming home soon.” Along with the brief letter, there was the address of the hospital that he was staying at; it was located in Long Island. Everyone began to happily embrace one another; you couldn’t help but hug your sisters and parents. He was alive; it was a sigh of relief for all of you. You were unable to sleep in fear that he died without wanting to and now for the first time in a week, you could sleep in peace. Mr Kim and your father, two people who initially despised one another, hugged one another for the first time. 

“Thank you,” you thanked the rescue workers and the police officer. The workers watched the brief sadness turn into a sigh of relief and happiness . 

“I apologize for my colleague’s mistake. Have a good day,” the police officer stated and the three of them went off to the next family. You had a smile on your face; “We will visit him first thing tomorrow,” Mr Kim declared. That night, they went to buy ingredients to make some of their nephew’s favorite foods, both Korean and American. 

Later that night, you told Angela the good news; “He’s a brave and very resilient man. I knew he would come out of it alive,” she stated. You two proceeded to talk about how you all were going to meet to go to the hospital the next morning. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, you heard loud banging from the front door, while you were asleep. You could hear your father leave the bedroom he shared with your mother to open the door. You woke up immediately and the rest of your family followed suit and walked to the front door. 

Mr Kim hurriedly entered the house and rapidly spoke as he walked in. Your mother walked to the kitchen to get him a glass of water. You were unable to understand what had happened. 

“What happened?” Natasha and Molly asked; you did not know what was going on either. You didn’t want to bother your parents, so you went to the bathroom to brush your teeth. The young girls walked down the stairs to the living room by the time you came out of the bathroom. You walked down the stairs and to the living room; you saw that everyone was crying. Junmyeon was alive, you thought. Why are they crying?

“That letter was a lie,” Mr Kim consoled you. He wiped his tears, took a sip of his water and began to explain that he had received a call from the hospital that Junmyeon had suffered a seizure in his sleep as a result of his head trauma and passed away earlier that morning. Your father looked at you; your heart dropped. You got up to feel if the world you were living in was stimulation; you felt the room spin, then go black and produced a loud thud as your body fell on the floor. 

Fifteen minutes later, you woke up on the sofa, having no recollection of being there. There was a wet towel on your forehead; Angela and Chanyeol had arrived by that time. Angela’s face was red and puffy from crying, while Chanyeol consoled her. He had tried not to cry, but the tears in his eyes were about to come out and he finally cried. Your mother and sisters were all crying, but at that moment, you were confused as to why they were so sad. By this time, Mr Kim and your father had gone to the hospital to collect Junmyeon’s remaining belongings. 

It had suddenly hit you that Junmyeon had passed away; that was the reason you fell on the ground. You hoped to reunite with the love of your life that same day at the hospital but all hopes of reunion died along with your hopes in life. You didn’t know how to process what had been going on; he wasn’t dead, he was just away for a long period of time, you claimed in your head. You couldn’t eat and refused to move from the sofa for the rest of the day. Your mother sang songs as a way to console you and your sisters sat with you, holding your hand. 

“I know how much you loved him,” your mother consoled. “He’s in a better place now.”

Later that evening, your parents were watching the news when the reporters had confirmed he was the passenger who had died of his injuries. You stared blankly at the television screen; Junmyeon was now a memory embedded in a voicemail, a text message conversation and many pictures taken during your time together. Another thing passed away that day, which was your ability to feel love. It would take a while for you to grow that ability back.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The funeral was a week after the news broke. It was small and quick, since Junmyeon’s body was flown to Korea that same night. Your sister Natasha and Chanyeol had sung his favorite song, “Universe” by EXO as a way to say goodbye with Molly playing the piano. Along with Angela and Chanyeol and a few of your other friends, your father spoke about how much he saw Junmyeon as the Glue that held two families together. Mr and Mrs Kim spoke, sharing their experiences with him as their beloved nephew, while your mother spoke about how he possessed a rare quality to love unconditionally and spread that love to everyone around him. 

It was your turn to speak. You didn’t prepare a speech and were naturally awkward when it came with words, despite being an English major. You took a breath and finally, after formulating somewhat of a hasty eulogy, began to speak:

“Junmyeon was like glue; he stuck by you no matter what you were going through. Whenever I felt upset, I knew I could always go to him to talk to him about it. He brought two families who initially did not know one another together and formed a trust that will last a lifetime,” you began.

“Most of all, he made me the happiest I had been in a long time. I remember the night before he left, he told me that I made him happy. I never thought I could be the source of someone’s happiness, let alone be happy myself. Happiness is something I don’t think I will ever find in a long time and for most of you, Junmyeon may be just a memory. I know that for you all, he is memorialized in physical items such as pictures, voicemails and text messages, but for me he is memorialized both in my heart and in my life. I’m glad I got to know Junmyeon; he was the light in everyone’s life that has now extinguished. I will miss him deeply. The sad thing is, I never even got to say goodbye to him at the hospital and tell him how much I really loved him. Now I can finally tell him that I will always love him.”

The attendees clapped as you walked back and sat next to your mother. The rest of the funeral went by like a breeze; you began to wonder how you were going to live your life now that Junmyeon was gone. You could have been able to contact him had he flown to Korea safely, but now you were never going to hear him tell the stories of his life in the military, his admiration for paintings, his stupidly corny jokes and his singing voice; he was gone forever. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stuck like glue no more, your father and Mr Kim got into spats over small things once again. They went back to Korea to live with Junmyeon’s parents after a month. Your family went on to live their lives, but you felt out of place in their happiness and normality. Since the funeral, dark thoughts appeared in your mind that had never appeared before. You had thoughts of joining him above in ways unimaginable; one way was covering your aired out body parts in plastic bags (such as your arms and head), then jumping from the top of the George Washington Bridge into the Hudson River, while another included knives, although thankfully you never acted on these thoughts. You occupied yourself with listening to music, writing, cooking, talking with family and friends, going to museums and walking around the park whenever the weather was nice to get rid of the thoughts; the thoughts were not frequent, but they lasted for days at a time. 

One year after his death, you went to visit Mr and Mrs Kim’s now empty house that was about to be filled with new neighbors and sat on the empty bench at their front porch. You reminisced about the confessions you made to him and he did to you; the liveliness and spark were no longer there. The laughs shared, the kisses shared, the stories told were memories you could no longer experience again. You sat for an hour and stared up at the sky deeply immersed in your thoughts about life as some bass music from your neighbor’s house played in the background. Suddenly, the lyrics to “Rough” by GFriend began to ring in your head: 

If I could run through time and become an adult  
I will hold your hand in this cruel world

Grieving is different for everyone; for you, it took a year to accept Junmyeon’s untimely death. You knew that you could not spend your life being sad forever and had to look at the future ahead of you instead of dwelling in the past. No amount of songs, dreams, fantasies, voicemail replays, nostalgia talks with Angela and Chanyeol about him, and re-wearing the sweater he had left in your room after a theater rehearsal could ever bring him back. 

For three years, you held each other’s hands and guided each other through this world in unusual ways and that bond was abruptly broken by his sudden departure. However, you still held it out in hopes that you would reunite with him in the future and now that was no more. You remembered that you had to help your mother cook beef Stroganoff and got off the bench. For one last time, you took a glance at it before the new people were to move into the house and it would be gone forever. “Bye,” you whispered, then walked back out into the strange world you were living in, seeking for a new hand to hold and cherish forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading. I really appreciate the support and enjoyed sharing my work to you all thus far. I'm so sorry again and please feel free to comment any questions you may have <3


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